The Puberty Talk, The Relationships, and the Dance
by Yokai Naruto
Summary: What happens when the boys and girls have to watch a puberty video? Do they like it, was it tempting to them? What are the crazy things happening at the Nin club and what are the pairings? Will Naruto and Kankurou mess up the big Dance? R&R Pliz!
1. The Puberty Talk

**The Puberty Talk**

**I hope you enjoy the humor!**

**WARNING: A lot of perverted-ness, and some swearing… Little kids remember, curiosity kills the cat! This is only for teens to readand higher!**

**Make sure you enjoy the very little romance too! Reveiws!**

Naruto, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Rock lee, Kiba, Shino, Kankurou, Chouji, Neji, Dosu, and Gaara all sit in the small room, with the small Television. The girls Sakura, Ino, Ten Ten, Hinata, Temari, and Kin sit in a different room with.. of course, a small Television.

Naruto: Oh I can't wait to watch 'the video'!

Kankurou: I know! The best part about it is when it shows the girls… NAKED!

Chouji: I'll watch as long as there is potato porn… he he he…

Neji and Sasuke: Grow up you retards! It's just a Growth and Development video!

Dosu: I don't really agree Sasuke and Neji… Because when I was a young boy, I would always hide in Kin's room and try to see her naked! (Long Silence) …. She always caught me… so I never got a chance to see what's under female clothes….

Gaara: …

Naruto: Gaara… You'll end up liking this type of stuff one day! So cheer up!

Gaara: I like sand…

Naruto: Uhh… Okay…

Rock Lee: What exactly are you guys talking about?

Shikamaru: From what I've heard from these perverts was nothing but Naked Woman and Booty shorts…. On the other hand though, I prefer to be on the mature side…

Naruto: What the hell are you talking about Shika! Temari told me you Saw her in the shower!

Shikamaru smirks…

Shikamaru: It was a damn accident okay!

Naruto: Who cares about accidents! What did her boobs look like… were they huge! Or is she a flat-chested?

Kankurou: Why the hell are you asking about my sisters boobs, and why did you look at her boobs Shika!

Shikamaru: Listen it was a small accident in my plan…

Kankurou: what pl-

Kakashi: Everyone be quiet! It's time for the video!

Kakashi puts the video in and then leaves the room to his studies…

_2 Hours later after disturbing moaning sound effects_

Naruto: YAAAAAAAAAAA! THAT WAS THE BEST VIDEO I'VE EVER SEEN!

Sasuke grins: That… That was… nice…

Neji: Indeed… But...I think I have the courage to ask Ten Ten something now…

Shino: Do ladies like bugs! If you guys no any ladies that love bugs call me and hook me up with her!

Dosu: That was so pleasant, especially under the shirt…

Kiba makes loud whistling sounds and barks: That was AW ROOOOO HOT!

Chouji: That sucked as big as that last turd I took after eating pumpkin pie! There was no potato porn at all! They could've atleast used celery sticks!

……………Silence…………..

Everyone then stares at Gaara

Gaara: What!

Gaara was making out with a REALLY HOT GIRL made from his sand and chakra…

Kankurou: Gaara you damn lucky…uhhh... Gourd!

Kakashi comes back in…

Kakashi: Okay guys settle down! Especially… eww… uhh… especially you… Gaara

Kankurou: Sorry about that Gaara... It was just an Illusion Master Kakashi...

Kankurou takes the illusion off

Gaara whispers to Kankurou: If you do that again I'm going to do dessert coffin on your nuts and make them implode.

Kankurou whispers back: NOT THE NUTS PLEASE!

Gaara: Just don't do it again... you are lucky that you are my brother...

Everyone starts thinking about Rock Lee

Kakashi: Hey! Where did Rock Lee go?

Everyone starts searching everywhere…

Naruto thinks…

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_Some Where in the "Play-Nin Mansion"_

Rock lee: HELLO LADIES!

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Naruto: There's a disturbance in the force! Something of the darkside!

Sasuke: Quit joking around, everyone read your mind… How would Rock lee even get it Play-Nin Mansion?

Naruto: uhhh…. Konohamaru?...

Sasuke: What the f-ck Naruto…

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_At the Girls Video_

Sakura: EWWWWWW!

Ino: Totally nice…..

Kin: Hmm.. I think I'm old enough to have a… boyfriend now…

Hinata: 'Flinch' 'Flinch' … 'Blush' 'Blush'

Ten Ten: I think I need to tell Neji something…

Temari: Only if Shikamaru was here I would…

Tsunade: You guys can stop with the psyched out speech! The video is over… Now who needs to go to the bathroom?

Sakura waves her hand

Tsunade: Alright you can go Sakura… anyone else?

Sakura walks down the hallway to the really big girls bathroom… Opens a stall door…

Sakura: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Rock Lee: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP!

Sakura: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE YOU LITTLE PERVERT!

Rock Lee: I … I was… afraid of seeing realboobs on the small television in ninja class…

Sakura: Oh the video… AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN REALBOOBS! SHOULDN'T IT ALL BE DRAWINGS!

Rock Lee: Not from what I saw…

Sakura: What ever… I'm still telling Tsunade all of this crap!

Rock Lee: Please don't I'm desperate! I have a wife and kids!

Sakura: You do!

Rock Lee: I was joking…

Sakura:Oh... WELLPREPARE YOURSELF FOR GIRLY EXTERMINATION!

Rock Lee: NO WAIT!

Tsunade opens the stall door and Sakura falls on top of Lee

Tsunade: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING! MAKING OUT IN NINJA SCHOOL IS FORBIDDEN… but it brings back old memories… WELL ANYWAY… WHY ARE YOU TWO ON TOP OF EACH OTHER!

Sakura: He wouldn't leave! I just found him in here too!

Rock Lee starts bursting in tears: It was the PORN!

Tsunade: Excuse me, what did you just say!

Sakura: He means the video that the boys had to watch…

Tsunade: let me see the video

Sakura: I'll bring you to Kakashi…

Kakashi: Where the hell did that piece of green spandex go to!

Sakura opens the door

Kakashi does a James Bond stunt roll on the ground and tries hiding…

Kakashi: Someone hide me dammit! So many people are after my life…

Sakura: It's me master… and Tsunade, and Rock Lee

Kakashi: LEE, where have you been!

Rock Lee flinches

Tsunade: There's no need for you to speak Lee… Now Kakashi, what did you show them!

Kakashi: What! I just showed them the video they were supposed to watch…

Tsunade: Uhhh.. so they were supposed to watch a PORN MOVIE!

Kakashi: What the hell are you talking about!

Tsunade: Let me see the video!

Kakashi hands over the video…

Tsunade: THIS IS FLIRTING PARADISE THE MOVIE YOU STUPID DUMBASS!

Kakashi: Uhh… ehhh… ummm… wow… where did that video come from…. heh….

Tsunade: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SHOWED THEM THIS MOVIE! I MEAN THERE JUST TOO YOUNG TO BE WATCHING THIS! I BET IT GROSSED THEM OUT!

All the boys: Well… It.. Was… a tempting video…

Tsunade: OH MY GOD KAKASHI! YOU'VE EVEN BRAIN WASHED THEM WITH THIS VIDEO! ALSO WERE YOU WITH THEM AT ALL TIMES?

Shikamaru: Nope, he wasn't at all, he just left…

Tsunade: You are such an idiot Kakashi!

Kakashi: ALRIGHT! I'm sorry class… and to you Tsunade with your orangutan titties…

Tsunade: What did you just say!

Kakashi: Uhh, Class you are dismissed!

Everyone leaves except Tsunade and Kakashi…

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_Outside of Nin school_

Naruto: I wonder how Kakashi is feeling now…

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_Nin School_

Kakashi:THAT'S WHERE MY BALLS ARE!

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_Back Outside_

Naruto: Did you guys hear something?

Everyone: No…

Temari: Hey umm… Shikamaru… can I speak with you for a moment…

Shikamaru: Sure…

Ten Ten: Oh.. yeah… Hey Neji… can I speak with you too?

Neji: Okay…

Sakura thinks to herself… _Life is hard, especially to find the one you like most… But… I think I found that great person…_

Sakura: Naruto…

Naruto: Eh… Oh Sakura! What do you need?

Sakura: Nothing… Just… thinking…

Sakura Smiles as everyone walks back home happily…. Except Kakashi … lol

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Wait till' next Chapter, "The Relationships and Horror!"**

**Reveiws!**


	2. The Relationships and Horror!

**Chapter 2: The Relationships and Horror!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter! There's also going to be a little more romance in this chapter…**

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_Back at Nin School_

Kakashi: Please Tsunade stop! It's already been 5 hours of torture! Hokage please help me!

Tsunade: I just can't believe you… you showed them explicit material!

Hokage: Quiet down now… The boys have already seen the video… But here's another question… What video did you show the girls Tsunade? And were you with them at all times?

Tsunade: Uhhh… ummm… I was there for a few minutes…

Hokage: Let me see the video…

The Hokage presses the play button…

Television:

Hokage and Kakashi: WHAT THE HELL TSUNADE… A HORROR MOVIE WITH PORN!

Tsunade: That wasn't that explicit… uhh… well…

Hokage: give me the tape; I'm going to burn it!

Tsunade hands over the tapeand the hokage reads it

Hokage: It says "Top secret… don't watch… property of… Konohamaru" ….KONOHAMARU! COME HERE!

Konahamaru doesn't answer….

Hokage: THAT'S IT IM GOING UP THERE!

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_Konahamaru's room_

Konohamaru hears someone coming upstairs

Konohamaru: Crap! I have to put _these _away….

The door opens

Hokage: Please explain to me about this video… and what the HELL is in your hand!

Konohamaru turns around and starts blowing…

Konohamaru: uhhh… heh.. it's a balloon…

Hokage: WHY ARE YOU HOLDING A CONDOM?

Konohamaru: I don't know… I just went to this shop place and-

Hokage: What shopping place?

Konohamaru:…The…play-nin shop…

Hokage: HOW DID THEY LET YOU IN A PLAY-NIN SHOP?

Konohamaru: the big girls said I was cute…

Tsunade: I sorta agree… he does look cute…

Hokage: Silence Tsunade!

Kakashi whispers to him-self: _I should escape now…_

Kakashi escapes…

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_Outside of Konohamaru's room, and in the Ninja team clubhouse…_

Naruto: Alright everyone… WHO'S UP FOR TRUTH OR DARE!

Everyone raises their hand…

Naruto: Who wants to go first!

Ten Ten raises her hand…

Ten Ten: Neji… truth or dare?

Everyone looks at Neji as he studders

Neji: …Dare …

Ten Ten starts to blush

Ten Ten: … I dare you… to… kiss me…

Everyone starts to stare at Neji…

Neji: …I can't Ten Ten…

Ten Ten: Please? Its truth or dare and you chose dare…

Suddenly Neji kisses Ten Ten…

Ten Ten starts blushing at everyone again, while Kiba makes barking sounds, and Kankurou smirks…

Neji: You're welcome…

Ten Ten smiles back…

Ten Ten: Thanks! Now who wants to go next?

Slowly Hinata raises her hand flinching…

Ten Ten: Uhhh, alright… you can go Hinata

Hinata: R-Rock Lee… t-truth or dare?

Rock Lee gets in surprise

Rock Lee: Me?

Hinata nods slowly

Rock Lee: Well… Truth!

Hinata: I-Is it true… th-that… you l-like me?

Rock Lee: Well… I think you're cute…

Hinata nods…

Hinata: O-Okay…

Naruto: Hinata! Can I go next?

Hinata nods again…

Naruto: Hey Sakura-Chan! Truth or dare?

Sakura pauses…

Sakura: …Dare …

Naruto: I dare you to let me kiss you!

Sakura flinches... Then Ino whispers to her

Ino: _You really are an unlucky girl! I'm gong to tell every ninja about this!_

Sakura whispers back: _Biotch…_

Naruto: Here I go!

Naruto tries to kiss Sakura… but Sakura uses the replacement technique… with Ino!

Ino: YOU STUPID FAGGOT SAKURA!

Sakura and everybody start laughing

Naruto: Well… at least I kissed someone sexy

Sakura starts laughing even louder!

Ino: YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL ME SEXY!

Naruto: Sexy!

Ino: SHUT UP!

Naruto: Sexy!

Ino: YOU BETTER SHUT UP!

Naruto uses Henge No Jutsu and transforms into Ino… but naked

Naruto: Sexy, Sexy. Sexy!

Ino: THAT'S IT!

Right before Ino was about to kill Naruto, Sasuke jumps in and stops them

Sasuke: You two really need a restraining order…

Ino makes her 'face'

Ino: I'm going next dammit!

Naruto: Alright…..

Naruto poofs back to himself

Ino: Sasuke, truth or dare!

Sasuke: Tru-

Ino does her 'valentine mind take-over' move on Sasuke

Ino/Sasuke: …Dare…

Ino gets out of Sasuke's body, and back in hers

Ino: I dare you to-

Sasuke: I said truth…

Ino: no you said dare…

Sasuke: whatever…

Ino: Alright… I dare you to rip Naruto's arms off, decapitate his balls, and then make-out with me!

Naruto: What the hell!

Everyone looks at Ino as if she's on crack…

Sasuke: Do you really expect me to kiss you, rip Naruto's arms off, and what ever the hell you said?

Ino: Yeah, because your just as sexy as-

Naruto interrupts

Naruto: Sexy! Sexy! Sexy!

Ino Glares at Naruto

Ino: Go to hell…

Ino looks back at Sasuke

Ino: You are just as sexy as me; don't you think we would be great together!

Sasuke: You're just a stupid slut… stupid hippy slut..

Naruto: Good one Sasuke!

Ino then gets mad, puts her arms around his waste, and French kisses him in an instant!

Ino: Now if _you _don't kiss me now, I'm going to flash you!

Sasuke: Get away from me stupid hippy!

Ino falls… purposely on Sasuke…

Temari: Could you guys go make-out somewhere else? It's my turn…

Ino smiles

Ino: Sure!

Ino drags Sasuke out of the clubhouse, while Sasuke desperately grabs the edge of the door yelling

Sasuke: GUYS! PLEASE HELP ME! SHIKAMARU USE YOUR SHADOW! OR SHINO USE YOUR BUGS! WHAT ABOUT YOU NEJI! NOOOO! ROCK LEE HELP!

Sasuke loses his grip on the door, while Ino walks away and smiles

Ino: Bye guys!

Temari: Uhh… yeah.. bye…

Everybody starts looking at each other to think about what the hell just happened

Naruto/Shikamaru/Rock Lee: Sasuke always was a smart-ass-pimp anyways…

Temari: who should I choose…. Shikamaru! Truth or dare

Shikamaru: Truth…

Temari: Is it true that you saw my boobs in the shower?

Shikamaru: y-yes… and they weren't tempting at all!

Temari: Whatever…. Who wants to go next?

Neji: Hey guys, look out the window…

Everybody sees Sasuke shirtless in his boxers running away from Ino in her bikini…

Ten Ten: Now that's a really bad couple…

Temari: Okay… like I said who wants to go next? Do you want to go Shino?

Shino: No

Temari: Chouji?

Chouji: Sure!

Chouji: I pick… Dosu!

Dosu: Hell no… Truth…

Chouji: Is it true you like Kin, and that you made-out with her…

Dosu looks at Kin… kin glares back… but in a sort of positive way…

Dosu: I like Kin a lot, especially ever since she's been on my team… I've never went out with her… but I do like her, and I'm happy that I do!

Kin smiles at Dosu and everybody starts looking at Chouji… because he fell asleep…

Dosu: Who's going to go next?

Kankurou raises his hand

Dosu: You want to go Kankurou?

Kankurou: No… I think Gaara should go for a try though…

Gaara glares at Kankurou…

Kankurou: Grow up Gaara, I bet you have someone you like…

Gaara: I don't like anyone… and why did you put another illusion up?

Kankurou: What Illusion?

Gaara: The illusion you did earlier you faggot…

Kankurou: It was just a another joke Gaara!

Naruto: That was an Illusion? I thought it was real…

Neji: Sasuke is right… You are a real idiot…

Naruto: I'M NOT AN IDIOT!

Gaara: Could you two please shut up… I don't like anyone… especially you Kankurou…. Remember what I said?

Kankurou: N-No…

Gaara suddenly does dessert coffin on Kankurou's nuts

Kankurou: PLEASE DON'T DO IT! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A SET OF IMPLODED NUTS!

Gaara: Too bad….

Suddenly, Hinata goes up to Gaara: I like Kankurou…. And I won't let you hurt him, or makes his nuts explode! Besides, I want to have kids with him one day…

Gaara: Why do you like my brother? He's got make up on and has the perverted ability to make skirts go up and see girl underwear using his chakra…

Hinata: Well I think he's cool…

Gaara: But you never know if he could be pulling a trick on you… Like if you guys are making out, you could be making out with scare-crow…

Kankurou: What the hell, I would never do that to Hinata!

Gaara: Well I'm just saying… I know that from experience…..

Naruto: YOU MADE OUT WITH A GIRL BEFORE?

Gaara: Yeah, my hot bloody cuteness is the trick… he he…

Naruto: Can you teach me the trick!

Gaara: I don't think I can you have to have a pathetic f-cked up insane life first!

Naruto: Okay… but do you like anyone?

Gaara: NO!

Naruto: You don't? Why…

Gaara: No one… no one ever like me…

Naruto: Well I think you have a chance!

Gaara: You do?

Naruto: Yeah… Hey Everyone! Did you know there's going to be a dance soon!

Everybody starts listening

Naruto: The Hokage is holding a Dance on Friday! Are you all going?

Everyone says yes except Gaara…

Naruto: I think you should go to the dance! You might get a hot chick and be able to make out!

Gaara: If you say so…

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_At the Akatsuki Site… Where Itachi is dreaming….._

_Itachi: A dance…._

_Akatsuki Leader: Yes…_

_Itachi: I don't know…_

_Akatsuki: Come on you should go…_

_Itachi: Why?_

_Akatsuki Leader: Sasuke will be there…_

_Itachi: YOU WANT ME TO RAPE MY BROTHER!_

_Akatsuki Leader: NO! You can talk to him a little about all the bull-sh-t you have done, and say sorry…_

_Itachi: YOU WANT ME TO TELL HIM MY EXPERIENCE WITH VODKA?_

_Akatsuki Leader: NO GOD DAMMIT! I WANT HIM TO JOIN US TO HELP GET NARUTO!_

_Itachi: WE ARE GOING TO RAPE NARUTO!_

_Akatsuki Leader: WHAT THE HELL ITACHI! WHAT ARE YOU ON!_

Itachi wakes up

Itachi: I need to go to that dance……

Itachi smiles: and get a hot girl!

**That's the end of this chapter! I hope you liked it! Review if you want to! And wait 'till chapter 2 "The Dance with Joy and anger!"**


	3. The Dance with Joy and Anger!

**The Dance with Joy and Anger!**

**I don't know if I should continue making more chapters after this one. I'm not doing this chapter in script format because I was told that I shouldn't. I hope this is just as good as my other 2 chaps! I was originally going to split this chapter into 2, so if it gets boring, read the middle and then on! **

**Reveiws Pliz!**

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_At the gym where everyone is setting up the stuff for the dance…_

"I can't wait till' to night!" Naruto screams happily out loud

"I can't wait too!" Kankurou replied back happily

"I can't either, I have TenTen!" Neji says while smiling

"Uhhh…. I don't really think I need to wait… I have a tongue down my throat right now…" Sasuke says trying to gasp for air while Ino keeps French kissing him.

"Ino is really starting to f-cking scare me!" Kankurou says while acting scared…

Naruto makes his scared face "Her moms a stripper! I mean, she's like a shotgun, three _cocks_ and she's loaded!" Naruto changes his face and starts laughing like crazy. Kankurou starts laughing like crazy too. Everyone else just stares at them.

"Could you two shut the hell up and help us here! All of us need to work together or the Hokage will cancel the Dance! That joke is really old too!" Temari yells at the two idiots.

"Could someone please… help… me! She…. Keeps… kissing… me!" Sasuke starts crying "She… won't get… off!"

"I know how you feel Sasuke, It happens in my body everyday…the damn bugs keep reproducing… and doing it…. It's crazy… and for some reason my insides feel _sticky._" Shino replies to Sasuke's cry for help "I guess I'll help you." Shino tries pulling Ino off of Sasuke… but if he tries harder he knows he might accidentally rip her arms will rip off.

"LET GO OF ME!" Ino drunkenly screams

Kankurou goes puzzled and looks as if he's about to laugh, "Ino, what the hell have you been drinking?"

"TEQUILA!…………….. SH-T DID I JUST SAY THAT?" Ino replies.

Kankurou starts laughing, "Yeah you just did dumbass!"

Sakura looks at Ino strangely,"Ino, why the hell do you want Sasuke sooooooo bad? I mean there is no point in liking him if he doesn't like you…"

Ino gets angry, "SHUT THE HELL UP, I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE EVERYONE CALLS ME A-"

Naruto interrupts,"HIPPY SL-T, HIPPY SL-T! I'm sooo sexy, I think I should get high! So I'll get raped to death!"

"SHUT UP NARUTO!" Ino yells back

Temari sighs at everything she is seeing, "You guys are way too disgraceful to be Ninjas!"

Shikamaru looks at her, "I'm disgraceful too?"

"No." Temari replies

Shikamaru smiles back…

The Hokage comes in with a strange look on his face similar too the one you might find on your moms face if she ever sees a Gremlin. "Did I hear what I thought I heard? You all are banned from the dance except Kankurou, Naruto, and Hinata. Those three may invite anyone they want. Good Day you stupid, stupid idiots!"

Kankurou and Naruto start laughing.

Everyone looks at them, "That was Scarecrow wasn't it!" Temari yells out

"No duh!" Kankurou replied back and starts laughing more with Naruto.

Naruto whispers to Kankurou, "We should mess up the dance!"

Kankurou looks at him, "You mean set advance traps and Illusions?"

"Yeah!" Naruto replies back happily with an evil smirk on his face. "This is going to be the best dance of their lives, and ours!"

"Yeah but what about Hinata? I don't want her to get stuck in any of these traps!"

"Don't worry Kankurou; she won't get stuck in any of these traps, I promise!"

Kankurou looks at Naruto and remembers his brother and the painful _nut_ imploding technique, "What about my brother Gaara, and what if I get caught!"

Naruto starts shivering a bit, "I know who can help us… Kabuto!"

"Kabuto?" Kankurou thinks for a moment, "How is he going to help us?"

"He's a good spy and probably will do anything for cash. He almost killed my master Kakashi before too!" Naruto thinks about it still, "I think we should first make the plan on what we are going to do…"

**I don't want to tell you what they are going to do, it would spoil the story!**

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_Dun…. Dun… Dun… The best part in the chapter… the dance!_

Every Nin is standing at the door to the great dance, but doesn't realize what Naruto and Kankurou with the help of Kabuto had done in there.

The Nins go inside and the music starts playing and everything is fine.

"Kankurou and Kabuto, ready?" Naruto whispers

They both say yes and turn the power to everything in the dance off. Kabuto then does Henge No Jutsu and turns into Kakashi. They turn the power back on and then they play the boy and girl puberty videos on the plasma screen.

"Hello kids, I have interrupted your dance for this important note. You guys have not learned what a condom is, so I must explain! A condom is a device used to make love the right way and not having to worry about creating a little burden always asking for toys and putting you in debt!" The fake Kakashi then explains more 'in-depth' information about condoms. "Alright what's the square root of a condom?"

"What the hell type of question is that? I can't even answer to that crazy question!"

"Fine, here's a different question, what do you do when you need a condom, but you don't have one. What can you use to replace a condom?"

Kiba raises his hand, "Uhhhh… a dog?"

"Wrong!"

Kiba raises his hand again, "How about a dog on steroids?"

"Are you stupid or something?"

Shikamaru raises his hand, "Aluminum foil?"

"Yeah, that might work, but there will be major stitches everywhere on wrong parts! What is wrong with you guys!"

Ino drunkenly raises her hand, "Sasuke!"

"Ehhh… Ino… You can't use a human-being to replace a condom! Reality check you hippy slut! And please stop drinking Tequila!"

Hinata raises her hand, "W-W-Will a r-r-rubber d-d-duck work?"

"COMMON SENSE PEOPLE! How will a rubber duck work?"

Hinata stutters more, "Y-Y-You c-c-could melt it m-m-maybe?"

"You guys seriously like to scare people! Get real! A Melted rubber duck? I don't want to wake up with a yellow piece of rubber stuck on my nuts, that whenever I squeeze or come in contact with a hot girl, it goes 'Quack'! I don't really want 'quacking' nuts!"

Temari raises her hand, "How about clothes?"

The fake Kakashi looks at everyone stupidly, "It's not going to work. Any more people?"

Choji raises his hand, "How about a Potato chip!"

"Still not going to work thong head!" Kabuto in disguise replies

Naruto and Kankurou keep laughing like crazy up above on the poles.

"This is the best prank ever!" Naruto Whispers to Kankurou

Kankurou smiles, "Wait till' they see what happens after this!"

Dosu raises his hand, "Sound waves?"

"How the hell will sound waves do anything, except make someone's ears bleed!"

TenTen raises her hand, "How about a shuriken?"

"You guys are making me lose it! A shuriken won't work!"

Long silence in the crowd… but then suddenly Gaara raises his hand, "Is the answer to your question… Sand?"

"My god… You guys really do want to kill each other when you are all adults!"

Orochimaru screams from the crowd, "This is pointless you bastard!"

"Orochimaru!" Itachi yells out and instantly makes Orochimaru run away outside.

Fake Kakashi sighs, "There is no answer… not unless you use 10 plastic bags… but that doesn't always work. Not even the smartest Hokage could answer the question!"

Shikamaru instantly raises his hand up in the air desperately wanting to blurt out the answer, "Use Henge No Jutsu on your nuts, and turn it into a condom!"

"I guess that might work."

"Wait! You can just summon a condom instead!"

Kabuto starts thinking if that would work, "That's the answer… I think."

Naruto and Kankurou keep wondering to themselves how Shikamaru answered the 'greatest question in the world'

Naruto questions himself, "How could he solve that question!"

"I know that's like the question of the gods, but now we shall move to the next prank!" Kankurou replies

The fake Kakashi looks up and shakes his head, meaning that the girl's bathroom is _complete_. He also lets everyone continue the dance, but there continuous slow dances.

"Finally off of Sasuke Ino?" Sakura asks Ino

"I just need to go to the bathroom, and then I'll be back on him!" Ino replies very crazily

"Well I need to go to the bathroom too." Sakura and Ino go to the hallway and look at the signs. They go to the girl's one and find the girl Orochimaru in there

Naruto watches Sakura and Ino as they walk to the bathroom

"Time for a like totally awesome make over! Hehehehe!" Orochimaru says

"OH… MY… GOD!" They both scream at the same time and shut the door. They open it again and find Kakashi in there trying to kiss himself using the mirror singing that I love you song. Instantly they both run away and warn other girls about it.

"Naruto, time for the next prank, they all are slow dancing!" Kankurou smiled

"Finally," Naruto starts laughing

When everyone starts slow dancing with each other Kankurou uses Henge No Jutsu on Scarecrow and makes the doll look hot, next he makes it walk to Gaara and asks if he wants to slow dance. Kankurou hears Gaara from the distance and he says yes.

"It's my turn!" Naruto says with a lot of enthusiasm

Naruto and Kabuto make an illusion that the Girls froze to the boys. Next Kabuto poofs

back into Kakashi and tells all the boys to pull down the girls skirts or they have to leave the dance! The boys do it, then Naruto stops the Illusion and the boys are getting slaps by their girlfriends!

"OWWW!" Screams one Genin

"YOU PERVERT!" Temari yells at Shikamaru

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT NEJI! TenTen screams while more screaming from all over the place goes around

Kankurou and Naruto start laughing

"Guys, I think we should start running!" Kabuto screams

Kankurou looks down and sees Gaara glaring at him, and in a very pissed way!

"My mother would always say to me when I was little: '_don't piss off you're baby brother when he is out of my stomach. If he glares at you in an insanely evil way, your ass is going to be raped. Not Literally though._' "Kankurou says to Naruto

Naruto looks back at him, "Well Frankly, I don't give a sh-t right now. JUST RUN!"

Naruto, Kabuto, and Kankurou both run for their lives… and their nuts… "I better get a good pay for this you two!"

"You will Kabuto, you will, just run!" Naruto replied back trying to keep up with Kabuto's pace. They all suddenly hear sand rushing toward them.

"KANKUROU!" Gaara screams

"My ass won't get raped, my ass won't get raped, my ass won't get raped!"

"STOP WORRYING SO MUCH AND RUN KANKUROU!" Kabuto yells back

Suddenly all the nins block their way

"Kankurou, w-w-why did you d-d-do all of th-th-this?" Hinata asks him angrily, "I'm b-b-breaking up w-w-with you!"

"Okay, I never really did want a girl in my life that sounds like she has a seizer in every sentence that she speaks." Kankurou says while smirking

"Quit it Kankurou, let's just be sorry for this once… before your brother adds our _nuts_ to his collection… and Sakura… I'm sorry for being a jerk… I did the bathroom prank on you and Ino… I'm really sorry." Naruto says truthfully

"BUT HE MADE ME AND TENTEN BREAK UP!" Neji yells out in rage

"YEAH! AND YOU GUYS MADE INO LIKE ME MORE!" Sasuke cries

"How?" Kankurou asks

Naruto Whispers in Kankurou's ear, "Uhhh… Kankurou… I think it was because we made all the boys pull down the girl's skirts and pants."

"O… crap… Where did Kabuto go!" He whispers back

"I think he left us." Naruto whispers

Kankurou replies in a low voice, "O."

"We can here you guys whispering, bakkas!" Kiba says out loud

Naruto starts begging, "Can you guys spare our lives please!"

The intercom turns on with the 5th Hokage's voice: "For some unknown damn reason all your parents got insanely drunk like Alexander the Great-Nin, so you guys will be sleeping here… uhhh…. ehhh…. Goodnight!" The Intercom turns off and everyone looks at the two fools… yet their savior Kabuto comes in like Tarzan swinging on a rope across the Nin crowd. Naruto and Kankurou both thank Kabuto… and that's where the man hunt begins!

**I'M DONE WITH THIS CHAPTER! **

**Woot! **

**R&R chapter 4 when it comes out!**


	4. The Man Hunt and Manly Problems!

**The Man Hunt and Manly Problems**

**This chapter probably is going to be the last chapter (I really mean it!)… Or I could suggest making a short chapter 5 (WOOT!). Well thanks for the reviews are readers out there so far :P! **

**If this chap gets boring pliz read atleast the middle and then on!**

**Pliz R&R!**

"THANK YOU SO MUCH KABUTO!" Naruto yells out happily.

Kabuto smiles, "Yeah… well anyways we need to find somewhere safe around here to hide, because we are up against 3 classes."

"Do you mean three classes of ninja rank?" Kankurou asks

"Nope!" Kabuto thinks for a moment, "The boys, the flat-chested, and Tsunade-Girls!"

Naruto's nose starts bleeding, "I get it! 2 classes of girls and one class for boys!"

"Err… yeah Naruto…"

"Hey Kabuto, do you have anything on Tsunade on that porno card collection of yours?" Kankurou asks.

"Yeah…. and what do you mean porno collection! It's just some information about everyone on this world." Kabuto searches his card collection.

Kankurou impatiently waits, "Dude, you could make an excellent stalker!"

Kabutogives Kankurou the Tsunade card.

Kankurou examines it, "Awesome! It even has holographic boob action!"

Naruto's nose starts bleeding even more, "It does?"

Kabuto sighs, "You guys are hopeless perverts…"

Someone opens the door…

"Sh-t! Run!" Kabuto, Naruto, and Kankurou start running away from…. the janitor.

Naruto takes a deep breath of air, "Sorry Mr. janitor!"

"Yeah…"- POOF- The janitor turns into Gaara, "KANKUROU! YOU ARE GOING TO F-CKIN DIE!"

Kankurou wets his pants, "I think my nuts are crying!"

Gaara quickly runs to them, "YAHHH! KANKUROU BE READY TO HAVE YOUR SEX CHANGED!"

Kankurou starts crying, "I don't want to be a girl!"

Naruto and Kabuto start yelling at Kankurou, "COME ON DAMMIT! START RUNNING KANKUROU!"

Gaara covers Kankurou in sand, "ANY LAST WORD JACKASS BROTHER?"

Kankurou shakes, "I thought Naruto knocked you to your senses with the incredible ass-poke in one episode! Well hers my last words… I SAW YOU LOOKING AT A PLAYBOY MAGAZINE! HA! IN YOUR FACE!"

Naruto twitches, "I personally think those are a bit of… erm… bad last words… don't you think so too Kabuto…. Kabuto?" Naruto looks around and doesn't find Kabuto, "YOU DAMN P-SSY!" Naruto runs off.

Kankurou screams, "NO! Don't leave me here with Gaara!"

Gaara pupils dilate, "TIME TO DIE!" He does dessert coffin on Kankurou and makes him implode, leaving blood everywhere. "Time to lick up his blood!" Gaara starts licking the floor… "THIS IS KOOL-AID DAMMIT! AND NOW I HAVE A DAMN SPLINTER ON MY TONGUE!" Gaara stares at the ground for a minute, "It was scarecrow… YOU WILL DIE FOR SURE NOW KANKUROU!" Long silence… "After I get this damn splinter out of my tongue!"

"That was awesome Kankurou!" Naruto whispers to him.

Kankurou replies back, "Thanks!"

"But I have one question… about your brother Gaara… Does he have a Speedo on?" Naruto asks.

"You mean the thing that's on Chouji's head?"

"Yeah, the thing that superman wears!"

"Why ask though Naruto?"

"Well, I've heard that a Speedo can give you ultra abilities, like Gaara's sand attacks."

"What? I thought a Speedo was for decoration!"

Kabuto starts laughing like crazy, "Are you guys stupid! A Speedo…. Erm…. Is….a… type of… how about we skip this?"

Naruto scratches his head, "Well…. Okay then… Kankurou, so does your brother wear one or not?"

Kankurou starts thinking, "I don't really know! Ask him yourself."

Kabuto looks around "Alright where shall we go next to hide?"

"Wait a sec'! We have to run around all night and try to get away from everyone else?"

"No sh-t Naruto!" Kankurou replies very back very sleepy.

Kabuto slaps Kankurou in the face, "Don't fall asleep, we still need to find a good and safe hiding spot!"

"Fine, I won't fall asleep!"

-Long Silence-

"Let's split up in this hallway." Naruto suggests.

They all look at the three different entrances.

"Fine Naruto, but only for a few seconds, then we all go to the fourth one together."

"Okay Kabuto."

They all go in a different hallway. Naruto goes into the first one and finds Someone in the darkness, instantly he goes for the incredible ass-poke… to find that he did it to Sakura.

"NARUTO!" Screams Sakura

"SORRY SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto knocks her out, "I'm so sorry Sakura-chan!" Naruto runs back to the intersection and finds Kankurou and Kabuto there.

Kabuto looks at Naruto, "What was that!"

"Nothing Kabuto… just a little… Sexual Harassment."

"Sexual Harassment Naruto?" Kankurou asks and thinks to himself.

Naruto stutters, "Ermm… It was nothing."

The three of them leave the intersection and decide to go into the fourth hallway into… the snack bar… thinking that no one would be there.

"Hey, it's Speedo Magneto!"

Chouji frowns, "Stop calling me names!"

"I think Chouji is right Naruto, because I'm pretty sure he can crush your head with an ass cheek."

Kankurou starts laughing, "Good one Kabuto!"

"So Chouji, do you want to help us run away from everyone?" Kabuto asks Chouji like a little kid.

Chouji starts to smile, "Sure, as long as you supply me with a bunch of Donuts and Dog legs."

"Was that a sexual term?"

Kabuto yells at Naruto, "What the hell Naruto, he literally meant dog legs and donuts, not tools!"

"Well if he wants dog legs he should ask Kiba, and if he wants a spicy _sausage_ he should ask Akamaru!"

Kankurou and Naruto start laughing hard.

Chouji's eyes open in excitement, "Is it really spicy! I like spicy!"

"Err… Sorry Chouji… Naruto didn't mean sausage; he meant Akamaru's pen-"

Chouji interrupts Kabuto, "If you give me the spicy sausage then I'll help you! Anything other than that then you can say hello to the Santa Clause's ass cheek!"

Kabuto, Naruto, and Kankurou leave the room to Chouji, who is snacking on the dumplings from the vending machine.

Kankurou sighs and throws his fist against a wall, "So Kabuto, Explain to me how we are going to cut a dogs dick off?"

"Why do we even need Chouji anyways? I mean, he'll probably eventually start cannibalism and eat his own flesh…" Naruto says scarred.

Kabuto whispers, "Alright, I've come up with a plan, but first we need some cover because I thought I heard something!" Kabuto uses a technique… –Henge Jutsu- ! They all turn into cats.

Naruto Meows to Kabuto, "Great Kabuto, I hope this doesn't end up into a damn musical!"

Kankurou meows to Naruto, "What, hate cats?"

"Yeah!" Naruto meows back.

Shino passes by, "Oh, hi little cats!"

Kankurou meows to Shino, "_Puts some f-cking shampoo on, and you got a bunch of lice and dandruff in your hair you smelly moron!"_

"Ahh that's cute, I love you too little kitten, I'll see you later!" Shino leaves into the next room.

"What the hell that was nasty! He didn't even know what the hell Kankurou was saying either!" Meows Naruto.

"Alright Naruto and Kabuto, pay attention! I've come up with a plan!"

-Three minutes later-

"I HAVE TO GET HUMPED BY AKAMARU, AND YOU TWO ARE THE DOG SLUTS? DUDE THIS IS TURNING INTO A HOMOSEXUAL MUSICAL!"

"Don't worry Naruto! He'll only be on you for a few seconds, then Kankurou will cut his ermm… off, then I'll throw it in the paper bag!"

"I WON'T DO THIS!"

Kankurou and Kabuto use their ninja skills to come Naruto down…

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS! THIS IS MORPHINE NOT NINJA SKILLS!"

Kankurou and Kabuto try again, using their ninja skills for real this time. Kabuto uses henge jutsu on everyone to make them hot bitches… (don't blame me that the dictionary calls female dogs that! XP!). Next they find Akamaru in the hallway running out of the girl's bathroom.

Akamaru starts acting tough, "_You chicks are lookin' hot tonight!"_

-Disturbing …. Doggy play… my eyes hurt… errrmm…. Just look at the happy faces for now…  EVIL! EVIL!-

Kankurou slowly uses his chakra… -SLICE…. And some really loud howling-

"Let's go!" Barks Kabuto.

"YOU ARE F-CKING DEAD KABUTO! YOU SAID THREE SECONDS NOT THREE MINUTES!" Barks Naruto in a very pissed way.

The three bitches (I didn't make the dictionary!) ran off back to Chouji at the Snack Bar and poofs back to their normal selves.

Chouji's eyes open again like last time "Gimme the spicy Sausage!"

Kabuto gives him the Sausage… and he then throws it on a grill.

"Wait a minute! This is Akamaru's pen-!" Chouji stops speaking and starts getting the crap beaten out of him.

Kabuto starts thinking about all that they had _accomplished_, "I just couldn't watch Chouji eat Akamaru's pen-"

Kankurou interrupts, "What do we do now? It's only 2:36 AM now… We still have a few more hell filled hours…"

"I just can't believe I got freaked by a dog. Not many people get freaked by a dog Kabuto! ALL OF THIS WAS FOR NOTHING!"

"Calm down Naruto, at least it wasn't for hours…" Kabuto says trying to calm him down.

"STILL KABUTO, THREE MINUTES OF BEASTIALITY PORN DOESN'T REALLY FEEL GOOD!"

Kabuto talks back to Naruto with stress in his voice, "Alright, just shut up! I need to think about what we need to do next because Akamaru will eventually lead everyone to us."

Suddenly the door busts open with everyone coming in, even the pissed Gaara, "KANKUROU, NARUTO, and Kabuto!... NEVERMIND SAY YOUR LAST WORDS!"

Kankurou Stutters,"SPARE ME!"

Naruto Stutters, "MOUNTAIN DEW MAKES YOUR BALLS SHRINK!"

Kabuto Stutters, "My nuts are bigger than three inches in diameter!"

Ino jumps in drunkenly and stutters, "I'm flat-chested in 99 inches in circumference!"

Everyone scratches' their head…

Neji points at the three of them pissed off, "I want you guys to say sorry to all of us! Then Gaara may do whatever scary hell he wants to do…"

Kabuto, Naruto, and Kankurou say they are sorry, and then Gaara pops up grinning like a maniac, "Implosion time!"

Kakashi jumps in and saves them for some unknown reason.

"What is going on here!" Kakashi asks everyone demanding an answer.

Everyone explains what has been going on… especially Kiba and his dog. Then Kakashi asks Naruto and the other two what has been going on. Kakashi tells everyone to go to sleep and makes a restraining order for the three to stay away from Gaara and his sand. Kakashi then falls over drunk because he was drinking Sake.

Naruto asks Gaara from half a mile, "Do you have a_ Sausage and eggs_ Sunnyside up, or are they Scrambled!"

Gaara goes crazy, "STOP TRYING TO PISS ME OFF!"

**End of this Chap! Might Be a Chap 5, just ask!**

**R&R!**


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